The Destroyer's Grief
by Rogue di Valencia
Summary: Hey Mana. For what am I walking forward for? Will I ever know why you want me to walk forward? Or will I walk forward to my own end? Can be seen as sequel to The Walker's Regret, or can be read separately.


**I am seriously wondering what is wrong with my mind. First I wanted to wrote about how Kanda hates masks and then this turned out.**

 **Stupid mind, stop altering my thoughts.**

 **And I shouldn't be writing this, I should be writing for The Moon Arcobaleno and the other one for my wattpad account, not this.**

 **What is wrong with me?**

 **Oh well, since I finished this, I may as well go with the flow.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man**

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When Allen had some time alone, he would stare at the picture he brought with him.

He didn't know why he had bought it actually. He already had his master's debts buried on his shoulders already and the money that idio man owned will probably never be paid completely until his next life.

But the picture was capturing, he doesn't care if everyone said it was creepy, he thought it would match him, actually.

A clown carrying a grave with him, walking along with a smile on his face.

That brought a nostalgic smile on the exorcist's face. That brought so many nice memories to him. He remembered those time when he spent with Mana, that was probably the best time he'd ever had.

Until he died.

The smile vanished and the beautiful memories disappeared, being replaced with the ones he wanted to forget.

 _"Monster!"_

 _"You're nothing but a trash that's unneeded in this world."_

 _"A..lle...n. You made me into an Akuma…"_

 _"ALLEN! YOU MADE ME INTO AN AKUMA!"_

 _"I CURSE YOU-"_

 _" **I CURSE YOU, ALLEN!** "_

After that, he was cursed by his own father, having the eye that can see the black and white world, the good and the bad side.

He hated this eye, he hated seeing souls that are tortured while in that horrible machine, he hated how his life changed because of this eye.

 _But this is a sign that you want me to become an exorcist, right Mana?_

After seeing how hurt those souls are, he guessed that's what Mana had went through when Allen had called him back. So he decided to himself that he would save those sad beings that went through the same, if not more, pain than himself.

Akuma are sad beings that needs to free themselves from their own sorrows and look forward the bright future.

 _"Allen...I love you…"_

 _Back then...you said you love me, right?_

 _Or did you love the other one that's inside me right now?_

He did call his name, so he loved Allen.

Right?

 _"Mana kind of lost it after the 14th died. Who knows whether he even remember the past or not. At least I couldn't tell."_

Allen had knew all along. He knew that there's something wrong with Mana. Sometimes he would look at him strangely, like someone dear to him have died, he would accidently call him brother so affectionately before reverting back to his normal self.

He wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe that Mana loved him, that he was still sane at that time, that he didn't see him as the 14th.

But, after thinking it over, he couldn't even believe his own words.

 _Am I just a replacement for your brother?_

Tim, sensing his master's distress, flew to his owner and landed on those white hair, nuzzling at the softness of those locks.

That brought a small smile to the silver-eyed boy as he brought his golem, the only thing that never betrayed him to his eye level.

"Hey Timcanpy." he started softly, bumping his forehead against the golden golem "Mana...he said he loved me, and I believe him. No, I want to believe him."

"He gave me so much, Tim, and I don't know why he did that. Mana is always so strange, he loves to do things on his own and he loves giving happy smiles to everyone, even a monster like me."

"Why did he do that? Saving someone like me, was it because he actually loves me, or…" the exorcist choked on his words "...because he sees me as his brother?"

Timcanpy fluttered around, trying to assure him and Allen chuckled.

"Thanks, buddy." He patted his friend on the head "Can I have some alone time, please?"

The golem nodded and flew outside the window,

Allen stared at the picture in front of him before the melody he memorized by heart surfaced. He opened his mouth and started to sing.

 _Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita_

 _Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo, hitotsu, futatsu to_

 _Ukabu fukurami itoshii yokogao_

 _Daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume_

 _Gin no gitomi no yuragu yoru ni_

 _Umare ochita kagayaku omae, ikuoku no toshitsuki ga_

 _Ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo_

 _Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru_

 _Douka konoko ni ai wo_

 _Tsunaida te ni kisu wo_

He finished and looked to the ground now.

"The boy fell asleep, huh?" he chuckled mirthlessly "I wonder did he ever wake up from his sleep."

 _Hey Mana._

 _For what am I walking forward for?_

 _Will I ever know why you want me to walk forward?_

 _Or will I walk forward to my own end?_

* * *

 **I am so unsure about this fic, I feel like I screwed up something.**

 **Or that's just my stomach calling for food and my brain calling for sleep.**


End file.
